Be yourself.

I lost 6 people in one day. 6 people, that's a lot. And you know, it takes a toll on someone, especially when they think they were the reason for all those losses but in actuality they aren't. I'm not the reason, I'm not the cause, it wasn't my fault and it isn't a reflection of my character if anything its a reflection of theirs.

I had known these people for a long time, I never did anything bad to them, never thought unfairly of them, never gave them different treatment from others, I always had a pure heart and good intentions, I had tried to be their friend and a good one too, things simply weren't meant to be I guess. No matter what I could've done, any way I could've acted, anything I could've said, they still wouldn't be in my life- still wouldn't be my friend and that's okay.

Because if they didn't see my kindness, see what a friend I wanted to be to them, get who I was as a person, if they didn't like me then they weren't ever going to stay in my life and that's completely fine. I may be a massive people pleaser and want everyone to like me but I understand that can't always be the case, someone is always going to dislike you, someone is always going to find a reason to be mad at you, someone is always going to hate you, not everyone will get you and that's completely okay.

Just like it's okay for me to not like people, to be mad at people, to hate people. I don't often- I like a lot of people I want to be on good terms with everyone, but that just isn't the case sometimes. Sometimes people do me dirty and its unfortunate but its life, sometimes I have to stand up for myself and take no bullshit, sometimes the best thing to do is leave because I respect myself and take my peace with me, sometimes I just hate you.

I'm not saying I dislike or hate all of those old friends of mine. Yes, I'm hurt and upset that I lost those people who had been in my life for the past year, those I spent a lot of time with, those I shared vulnerabilities with, those I even shared my most special moments with but that doesn't mean I dislike them.

But I also can't lie and say I don't dislike some of them, maybe even hate a couple of them. If it was just one of them then I'd probably let the feeling fester not knowing it isn't right but since its a couple of them I realized how it isn't healthy and I'm deciding to move past it. Yes I don't like you, yes I may even hate how you treated me but no, I'm not letting that hold me back, I'm not holding a grudge. But, I don't ever want to talk to you again, I'm not accepting that disrespect and rudeness in my life, not after a backstabbing, not after its been a repeat occurrence that I've allowed, not when you simply don't see me as a real person.

So all in all, I'm moving on, I'm moving forward. I have two good friends by my side and that's all I need (kisses to my wife and my side piece LOL) they are kind, they are there for me, they understand me, they are loyal, they are genuine. I do have other acquaintances I plan in the future to make closer friends, I'm definitely more open these days to go out and make new friends and I don't mind if they stick or don't stick. I've always known I don't need other people in my life but I am grateful for the people I do have, I am grateful to know there are those who are there for me, grateful to know I'm not the problem. I do have more friends in my everyday life and I have been making more there as well so it's nice to know it isn't just my online personality people like, there's those that like me the online version and those that like me the real version and it's nice to know that there's those that want to know both.

So basically, this is me telling you that if even I can turn a terrible sad situation into a positive outlook then that means you can do it as well! Don't be afraid to be you, don't hide back in your shell when things go wrong use that as motivation to keep going, speak up for yourself and give yourself that respect, there's only one you so be the best you that you can be, love people with a big open heart, don't be afraid to dislike people but don't let that hold you down either. All in all, don't be afraid to be you.