It's funny.

I think it's funny the way life works. How someone can be such a big part of your life and suddenly they are nothing and they are no one. What do you mean there's people out there who know little details about me but we don't talk anymore? What do you mean someone used to love me is out there loving another? What do you mean there's a chance I'm thinking of someone who doesn't think of me anymore.

It's funny. I made a big decision, I made a choice, I did the right thing- the best thing I possibly could've done, I knew it, I know it. I was the one who was done with things first, I was the one who had been starting to move on, I was the one moving forward and being a different person doesn't mean it didn't hurt or wasn't hard. But, you're loving someone new. You say you love them like you loved me, you treat them like you treated me, you care for them like you cared for me, you're obsessed like you were with me, you feel like you felt with me, all that in 2 weeks? interesting. I'm not coming at you or anything, you do you, live your life, be happy, I'm over you truly, want nothing to do with you, doesn't mean I don't still think of you- or any of you.

It's also really funny how whenever I go through a breakup or grieve some love interest in my life I end up grieving them all again or experiencing the breakup with all of them again. Why have you popped back in my life N? Like damn, you're living life exactly like I knew you would. You were always and will always be my favorite- I mean you're my first love, you taught me what love is, you taught me what kind of man I want, you taught me how to be positive, you're always in my heart and you always will be in my heart forever my love. You are my favorite, my most favorite to love, my most favorite to grieve, my most favorite to reminisce on, but I will never ever interrupt you ever again. It's nice to see you again randomly, it's nice to know you're doing amazing things I always knew you would, It's nice to know you're still the same boy I fell in love with all those years ago, it's nice that I can always look into those beautiful blue eyes whenever I miss you. I hope you have a happy life.

Really funny how you're the person I think of when it comes to these things. A, if we had the chance, now excuse my language- we would've went to fucking town. Me and you we mesh so well in that department, I feel so guilty knowing I think of you first when it comes to those things. I would've loved one night with you, I mean all in all you treated me like shit and in any other way we would've fucking sucked. I get that now, you would've been a horrible boyfriend to me but I also get it that you meant it when you said I was your dream girl because that I am. You say you don't fall in love but you say you would've fell in love with me if I were there, I would've been the one for you and that makes me happy to hear, maybe in another life (or potential future..?) we could actually have that one night and things would spark from there, maybe we'd be better and we would actually click in all those other ways. But for now, you sexy piece of shit I hate you.

Now now guys really funny how hot this man is like holy. M, M, M.. you my man have probably got to be the most hottest, beautiful, gorgeous, angelic man I've ever met and had the honor to date. Yes, I will admit they are all beautiful and handsome in their own way I would never take away from that and yes there are few that have come close but I can not lie and say you aren't top tier for me. I think you are pretty much perfect honestly, thinking about a long life with you I would've loved that, you are almost everything I've ever wanted in a man and I would've loved the opportunity to be that woman for you. I would love it, I would honestly still try for it. But in actuality I'm not completely sure I'm the woman for you, I think I could try to be and maybe even get there at some point in the future, but as of right now? Definitely not, therefore I'm leaving you at peace in my mind, maybe one day, maybe again, maybe we'll have our chance and maybe I could be that woman for you.

Funny that I could say the same thing for all these men I've loved in my life, another chance? maybe in another life? maybe in the future? They all bring completely different lives and I would love a life with any of them in any of those different lives, but, I think I know the life I'm destined for. Obviously, that can always change, life isn't set in stone, but I know I'm made for an average life with an average man doing average everyday things just like any other person. I would've loved to be unique with any of those men, I would've loved to break the cycle and be something new and something special and something important and hopefully I still can be, maybe that's my life, maybe that's what I'm made for. But for now, I'll forever wish maybe.

Now my friend. You shouldn't be here, but as you are a current interest- not love. I don't love you, shouldn't love you, can't love you and neither you me. I will say something, although you'll never experience love like these boys have, you will forever be a piece of my journey as one of the important ones. You are an important one already, you have taught me so much, you have opened my eyes to so many things, you are amazing. I wish I could love you, I wish we could be together, I can't lie and say sometimes my mind doesn't slip and I think of a life with you in the distant distant future, I can't lie and say I don't think of saying I love you sometimes- if anything I catch myself more and more these days before I say it, but I don't, never will. But, just because I don't love you that doesn't mean you aren't important. You are very important, thank you for everything.