Lost.

No one really tells you how its like to be lost- how to come to a life changing decision all on your own. All they do is throw you into the deep end and tell you to figure it out yourself because ultimately no one can know what's best for you besides you. No one can know what you need to do for yourself and what would make you your happiest. But at the same time no one is there for you when making these decisions, no one will hold your hand through the thought process, no one will make the choice for you, no one will tell you what to do and what not to do the best you'll get is advice on what they would do or what they did but in the end its all up to you.

And let me tell you, there's a lot of times in life where you will be so fucking lost. So many times you will have zero clue what you should do and how you should go about it. But that's the beauty in life, there's no right or wrong choice its your choice and its what you feel is right for you. The hardest part is just figuring out what is right, what is best, what is your choice.

So many times have I been put into this position, so many times have I just wanted someone to tell me what I should do, so many times have I just wanted to be shown the right answer. But realistically that's not possible. It's your life, your choice, your decision. And it's hard, its hard deciding what to do, its hard having to think everything out, its hard having to predict every outcome, its hard having to plan a future when you don't even know what you want in that future.

It's unfortunate having to stress out and worry so much about these choices and decisions in life but that's just life that's how things are gonna be and you'll have to do them alone- until you won't. But for now it's all up to you, you have to decide what you'll do next, you'll have to decide what the outcome will be, you have to decide what will truly make you the happiest even if its the hardest choice you'll ever have to make, even if it isn't what you want in that moment, even if it'll hurt more then help right after. Pick what is ultimately best for you not just what's best in the moment.

It's all up to you- it's all up to me. Awhile ago I would've looked to anyone else for answers, awhile ago I would've asked anyone what I should do, awhile ago I would've picked the easiest choice just because I was scared, awhile ago I wasn't as strong. But you can't rely on anyone else- you shouldn't. People will inevitably leave you, people won't tell you all the answers, people won't have a clue on what your life is really like and what's best for you, people won't always be there for you. The only one that'll always be there for you is you.

You don't need anyone else to live, you don't need anyone else to get through the day, you don't need anyone else to tell you what you should do, you don't need anyone else to help you feel better, you don't need anyone else to make you happy, you don't need anyone else.

People are lovely. You can want them. You can truly think you need them. You can seek them out. You can desire them. You can surround yourself in tons of them. You can be alone with only one. But you don't need them. You may think you do, but you've lived without them, you've been happy without them, you have made decisions without them, you have done so much without them- no matter who they are you don't need them. You can do this all on your own because you're strong enough, because you are enough.

So I know no matter what decision I make, no matter what choice I end up picking, no matter what I end up doing, no matter how my life ends up. I know I'll be happy and I'll be loved. Because I don't need another person no matter how much I care about them and no one does. They won't be in your life forever unless they're the one, so be happy on your own unless.. are they the one?