Sisters.

Dear Sister.

How do I grow up to be like you? How do I obtain your beauty, your charisma, your humor, your style, your interest? Is there a certain thing I have to do to be like you? Is there something I need to learn to gain your wits and attitude? Is there some way I can gain your attention to where I'll finally be recognized by you?

Everyone always says we're the most alike, we're exactly alike. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe you don't like seeing yourself in me, maybe you don't see yourself in me, maybe you just don't like seeing me. I don't know if its me you don't like or if its yourself that you don't like and the fact that I am similar to you that pushes you away from me.

But sister, all I've ever wanted was a sister. I didn't care if you were prettier, better, smarter, funnier, older. I never cared for any of that, all I've ever wanted was someone I could look up to and someone I could spend time with and someone who would get me and be there for me and teach me all the things I would never know without.

Yet here I am years later and you still don't acknowledge me. I'll admit, for awhile I haven't tried to be your sister either but could you blame me? When that's all I wanted since I was born and from a young age I was already rejected by you? Nothing I did could gain your attention, no one I could be could gain your interest, you wanted nothing to do with me and maybe you still reject me but I wouldn't know.

My stubbornness keeps me from attempting to build a relationship with you and hell maybe your stubbornness keeps you from. Maybe we've build this inaccurate disdain for one another thinking the other hates them and doesn't want anything to do with them. Maybe we're just not sisters like that and fuck we might never be. 

Does that mean I don't try? Does that mean I try harder? Do you even want a sister? Have you ever wanted a sister? Maybe you don't want a sister like me, maybe you never wanted a sister like me, maybe that's why you rejected me because I'll never be exactly like you- I'm similar, but I'm different. Maybe you've always disliked me because I come from a different place then you, maybe you'll always hate me because of jealousy you felt about me since childhood, maybe you'll always want nothing to do with me because father went and had a daughter somewhere else.

Maybe?