The darkness.

I pulled myself out of a dark place awhile ago. A dark place I never even told anyone about not even the people closest to me- not a single soul. Yes, some could see it, sense it, feel it, question it, wonder about it, but none of them ever knew anything about it. 

They didn't know the struggles, didn't know what festered in my mind at night, didn't know what I was going through, how I lived, how I faked happiness, how I dealt with it. No one ever knew and no one will ever know that's between me, myself, and I.

But, a lot of people witnessed me come out of it, they saw the change in me, they saw my eyes grow brighter, my skin turn clearer, my smile became bigger, they witnessed the outcome, saw the results, praised me without ever knowing the process. And that's fine, I was just happy they saw it because I didn't.

I didn't see the good, my mind was permanently stuck on the bad, I didn't know I was doing well, I didn't know things were becoming positive, it all felt the same; the same feelings, same struggle, same tears, same thoughts, same mind, but it was better- I was better. Now that I know that I've been seeing the better more often, I see the difference in me, I've noticed the change, I'm proud of myself for overcoming that, only problem is.. I notice the bad again.

I see the darkness, I feel it. The thoughts are coming back, the struggle is slowly returning, my life is falling apart, my mind is scrambled, I've suddenly forgotten all the process I've made because I'm slipping- slipping back into the darkness, my light is fading, I'm fading. I can feel the darkness returning again.

[ Inspired by people calling me depressed again and opened my eyes to things ]