Then or Now.

It's funny the way things work out, the ways things change, the outcome of a situation. It can be the last thing you could've expected or it could be the very thing you were predicting. 

You'll be in one stage of your life so comfortable, at peace, happy, everything is going smoothly and you couldn't asked for more. But then you got more, you got more you never ever realized was possible, something you didn't even think was in the cards for you, and it all just appears.

You live your life with this newfound blessing and enjoy it. You really believe that you've won and can finally life this life you never could've imagined for yourself and that it is fully your chance to shine, finally you get the opportunity that you only dreamed of before.

Then again you're in a stage of your life so comfortable, at peace, happy, everything is going smoothly and you really couldn't ask for more. But then.. it all comes crashing down, something you never realized was possible happens, something you didn't even think could ever happen to you, and it all just vanishes.

You live your life with this newfound sadness and you resent it. You really believe that you've reached your lowest and maybe this was the life you deserved the whole time, this is finally the pinnacle of your life and what you have to settle for, finally you know what to expect and know not to wish for anything more.

And again you're at the stage where you finally feel comfortable again, peaceful, almost happy, everything seems to be going smoothly or at least on the way to going smooth and you really couldn't wish for more. Then.. the expected happens.

The life you once lived seems like its coming back, you believe the chance of happiness with them is there again, the chance you've imagined to relieve all those memories, the opportunity to have even the smallest dose of that life you once had.

Again, you know how good it feels, you know it would make you happy, you know even if it isn't the same as it used to any little thing would do, but you also know it's what they want now.

Now, they are probably in a stage of their life where they miss your comfortable presence, your familiar peace, the happiness you used to have, everything going as smoothly as it once did and they never could've asked for it until it suddenly appeared. Until you appeared.

But.. again, they vanished, left you when you were at your lowest, went off to have new opportunities, make you feel like you didn't deserve all the things you imagined you could've had with them, make you feel like you never should've had the chance to experience all that you did with them.

So, do you live the life you once lived even for a mere moment knowing how good it used to be or do you live the life you were trying to live for yourself knowing they only want the past for themselves now?