What Shouldn't Be

- CURRENTLY IN DEVELOPMENT -

Posture up straight, dark hair going down my back, skirt up to my thighs, fingers fiddling with a pencil I had found on the desk, I had waited patiently for when the professor would walk through the tall dark doors, patiently waiting for my future to change. He had been the best of the best, the one everyone wanted to learn from, the one everyone wanted to be, the one everyone wanted and I had the opportunity of a lifetime.

Silence in the classroom as the doors finally flung open, books in hand, dark perfect hair slicked back, suit tailored, strong stance as he stood in the front of the class. He observed every one of us, watched us, analyzed us as if already deciding who we would be despite ever learning who we were. His eyes rested on mine, strong eye contact- prolonged eye contact maybe a bit too long but nothing I would've known to be a problem then.

He continued through the entire lecture confident as if he had done this for years- he had done this for years. He'd seen many come and go, he'd seen many rise and fall, he'd seen many and yet his eyes still rested on me the most. I felt glorious at that, I felt special, I felt seen, I felt wanted.. especially from the best.

End of class came and I watched as the others walked out the class proud and loud, I waited till most of them had walked past me before I took my chance. I stood, I stepped, I stopped, I looked back at the sound of footsteps. There he was, staring at me once again, walking over to me with a confident stride, I took a glance over my shoulder as the rest of the students walked out and the door closed, we were alone.

Strong eye contact again- long eye contact, heart beating rapidly, he wanted me, I was the one he deemed the best, I took a breath.. A paper? In my hand? Dress code?? I pry my eyes away from the paper and back to his face, shocked, what is this?

"A beautiful girl like you shouldn't be wearing that in my class, I don't want the other boys looking at you and getting distracted from the important work." 

He spoke strongly, confidently, strictly. A quick glance and he was gone, without another word, without another look, walked out on me. Why? I thought I was special? Am I just another student? Was that all I was to him? Nothing? Nobody?

I slammed the paper on the desk and stormed out, hair flipping to my shoulder, door slamming behind me, I didn't look back, I didn't want to, but I did feel a pair of eyes on me as I left- that didn't stop me, I would come back stronger, smarter, better.

Front row just to see me better, yellow sundress to bring attention to my brown eyes, hair up perfect to look at my neck, light makeup just make my features a little more noticeable. I wanted to feel special again, I was special, I knew I was- he made me feel that way and he'll make me feel that way again. I'm sure of it.

He walks in with the same confident stride, suit framing his body perfectly, hair falling down his face but I can still see his gorgeous eyes, the same strong stance at the front of the class, everything about him screams perfect- well I guess he is the best and the way he's looking at me tells me I'm also the best, I'm special, maybe even perfect in his eyes. If only he told me that with more then his eyes- maybe his lips, his body could tell me one day; tell me everything his eyes are saying to me right now.

I knew I captured his attention, as the day went on there were fleeting amounts of eye contact between the two of us, as if he couldn't last more then a second without looking at me. His gaze traveled all around my body that day, I knew my plan had worked, I knew I was trapped in his mind, so much so that he even bumped into a few desks that day because he was so distracted, I was special to him.

Clock ticks, I stand first, I don't decide to wait to be last again, I wont let him catch an opportunity I know he's been waiting all day for. Not a single glance over my shoulder and yet I could still feel his eyes on me, feel the heavy weight of his presence following behind me, such a shame there we're a number of students between us- such a shame.