Who I was then, Who I am now.

I've always been independent, solo, alone, only craved my own company. I had no desire to spend my time with another, no want, no need, no secret. It was pretty obvious I didn't like or didn't want to spend time with others, very few friends, I'd rarely go out, I didn't really bother getting to know people, that just wasn't my thing I guess.

 I would crave my own time so much but time was my worst enemy- I constantly fought that battle with sleep, I loved any time I could have at home I constantly wanted to be home and locked in my room, I skipped school just so I'd get a little extra time with myself when I was feeling it, I never went out after school because I wanted to be alone, I wanted to be with myself- I wanted to be with myself so much sleep was only a concept to me, going out seemed like the option I never picked, talking to people seemed like such a rare thing. But, things can always change.

I hated girls who just spent all day talking to people until I became one of them. I hated girls who sat in bed all day until I became one of them. I hated girls who loved to be on call until I became one of them. I hated girls who liked pink until I started liking pink. I hated girls until I became girly. I guess these things can change in the blink of an eye or a certain person can change them?

It was so strange, so unexpected the day I met you, it was this weird thrilling connection although it didn't really go anywhere in the beginning- we met and then you disappeared,  it was fine, it was whatever, you were only a stranger I met once and had the greatest night of my life with. But then the strangest thing happened.

I became confident, I became bold, I pushed myself out of my boundaries just for you, I seeked you out and I found and you found me. 

From there we just grew and grew, we'd spend all our time together laughing, joking, smiling, flirting. I didn't know what we were doing entirely but I knew that I loved it, it made me happy, it made me feel special.

Eventually you embedded yourself into my life, into my schedule, into my brain. I couldn't stop thinking about you, I couldn't stop spending time with you, I couldn't get your voice out of my head. I knew this was wrong, strange, unusual, I knew I should probably stop but I couldn't especially since when you showed me what a great person you are.

You reassured me, you comforted me, you communicated, you understood. Anything I told you no matter how anxious I felt in the matter of 5 minutes you'd make that anxiety completely vanish, any joke I made you laughed, anything I wanted to do you'd do with me, anytime I shared more information about my life you didn't shut me down and leave- you opened your arms, let me in and understood, anything I could throw at you never made you turn your head you always had your eyes on me.

Hangouts became an everyday thing, calls became longer, we would share our darkest secrets at night, wake up with one another in the morning, I let you into my life and you let me into yours, I told you about my problems and you told me about yours, I fell in love with your mother and you listened in when I spoke to mine. This is strange, this is unusual, I should stop shouldn't I? but I just can't.

Sleep was still just a concept to me, but you pushed me to get more sleep so I slept more. Food I rarely ate I never felt hungry, now I'm hungry and I serve myself breakfast, lunch and dinner. TV I told you I never watched much as a child, you'd tell me all that you watched and we watched your shows together. Water you rarely drank, but you would drink water whenever I asked. Mornings were always hard for you, but I was there to push you awake so you wouldn't be late. We were there for each other, we were close with each other, we liked each other.

Nothing really seemed to matter anymore with you around. I rarely overthink and when I do you're there to reassure me. When I get anxious I now push myself even if you aren't there and I share the stories after where you praise me for it. When life gets hard you'll always stop whatever you're doing and be there for me. Weekends seemed to not be a me thing anymore and became an us thing. I stopped caring to calculate the most amount of time I could have on the weekend, I gladly stayed up with you, I gladly slept in on a sunday with you, I gladly forgot what day it was because time seemed irrelevant. We had all the time in the world together, because we liked each other.  Really liked each other.

[ Inspired by a dream I had also heavily based on a friend. ]